Thursday, June 26, 2008

My Epiphany...Nothing to say... nothing to do... string was cut... was all a waste...

5 mins... she raised her hand.... 5  mins to go...

a third has spoken... two thirds left unspoken...

thuds beat like a war drum... hinge of hair stood like spikes in a ditch...

spoken words flew out like music notes serenading from a classical guitar....

9 mins... she raised her hand... 1 min to go....

string was broken before the tune could even be completed... 

the war drum stopped... only whispers of cold cold wind could be heard...

shock rush... adrenaline rush... too late... 

tongue swallowed, too late to retrieve...

"points wont be taken from this point onwards..." she said....

"wanna continue?" she say...

"Yes! continue!" 
"Continue!" 
the voices said...

shutters closed... visions darken... tear drops.. drip... drip... drip...

words begin to flow again... then stopped at the cut... flow began.... then tripped... choked.... mollified, I'm done... choked... suffocated... bang and I'm at death's door...

this is my epiphany... over worked creativity... wasted creativity... wasted time... wasted marks... 

wish that marks are sucked, drilled, removed, spilled, others saved from pits of failure....except mine... totally deserved... "marks for the good... peanut for the failure.."

this is my epiphany, over thought.... over estimated ...over minded... over my head... 

surrounding words of comfort, waiting, over looking the prison... the cage... gates sealed for ever... no seepage... no room for comfort....

letters of words of "Its alrite..."... "better next time"... "dont get too worked up.." "i know how u feel"....

Thank you for ur kind words of comfort... but... u do not know or even know how i feel or what i m going through.. so dont judge me... 

drug rings... thief, gambler, pursuit from gangsters, Friend in jail ... mum could have almost have cancer.... friend got into accidents... in a coma... lost a friend in a world of darkness.... under hands of a puppet girlfriend... Torrie... in a coma and now ... in a grave in New York... home with the Lord...

u dont know what i m going through... NEVER say ... "I know what ur going through", "Take the chill pill."...." Chill man..." .... cause u don't ... no 1 will know know i feel... except of course ... God... yea... u must be making me go though this for a reason  n on purpose....   

how on earth i keep up a straight face in public i don't know... only God knows...
how i can life day by day with out throwing myself off a cliff .... only God knows...
how i keep thinking of jumping in front of a busy high way... only God knows...
how on earth i escape death ... countless.. i dont know... am i a cat now? with 9 lives?? ... only God knows...

This is my epiphany, lost friends... lost family... torn apart relationship... lost hope and will to live.. lost in pages of life... death is searching... death is coming... one by one and counting... death is trying to kill me... 

my epiphany....

my anguish, depressed, stressed, busy, scheduled life... things gotta change... and they will... 

things are changing now... 

people will think twice before choosing teams... "danny F***ed up last time...", "danny choked".. "Do not choose Danny... he F***ed up last time.."... " he s*** in his pants"....

don't think there are real feelings in the world now... all could be fake ... we know not...  

Realization... Clarity... o how many times it passes me by... now theres clarity.. and realization... 

My Epiphany... 

Danny...  

 


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